On Saturday, November 23, a group of Hopkinton High School students made a discovery that has the town clutching its proverbial pearls. The group of teens, while hunting for their friend’s AirPods, stumbled upon what can only be described as the suburban answer to Studio 54—a “swingers party” in full, um, swing.
The party, allegedly themed “Sexy Lingerie,” drew nearly 100 guests, requiring private security to maintain decorum – or whatever semblance of it one expects at such an event. Cars lined South Mill Street like it was Black Friday at the mall, and the curious teens observed color-coded rooms through the windows, sparking debates about whether the hues corresponded to mood lighting or a very niche version of Twister.
The advertisement for the soirée, uncovered on the appropriately-named “Swing Life Style” website, was as transparent as a Victoria’s Secret catalog. With promises of “play areas,” “sultry stockings,” and a hot tub overlooking private woods, it seems the hosts left no stone unturned in their pursuit of an unforgettable evening.
“We thought it was just a regular house party,” said one student, “but then we saw all these cars and a guy with an earpiece standing outside. From the road the rooms were pink, red, and purple. It was like a funhouse, but, you know… weird fun.”
South Mill Street neighbors, known for their conservative values and well-manicured lawns, are reportedly scandalized. One resident, who asked to remain anonymous, said, “Hopkinton is a family town. We have bake sales and parades—not hot tubs and heated gazebos for… well, whatever they’re doing in there. Who has a heated gazebo?!”
Various Facebook groups exploded with activity, as is the case whenever anything remotely controversial happens, featuring commentary ranging from the outraged (“This is not what our property taxes are for!”) to the intrigued (“Where exactly do I find this website?”).
Even local businesses are feeling the ripple effects. A lingerie boutique in a nearby town reported a 300% increase in foot traffic overnight. “We’re not saying it’s related,” said the owner, “but there’s definitely something…bubbling.”
Hopkinton High School administrators, caught in the crossfire of this awkward discovery, have urged students and parents to “focus on learning, not lurking.”
For now, South Mill Street has returned to its usual state of tranquility, save for a few lingering tire marks on the curb. As for the hosts, they remain tight-lipped but were overheard telling a guest, “Next time, we’re renting a yacht. No parking issues there!”
When asked for comment, one student summed it up best: “Hopkinton’s not that boring after all. Who knew?”
Wit Wolfe is a satirist who shares his observations on the lighter side of Hopkinton. Also by Mr. Wolfe: Bins, Bikes, and Bruises: The Chaotic Thursdays of Main Street
