You Can Forgive

    by Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Ed.D., Ph.D., Chief Medical Officer, Soundmindz.org 

When we think about forgiveness we often think of something we confer on others- I forgive you. In truth we cannot forgive others without understanding our difficulties in forgiving ourselves.

When we deepen our understanding of human nature our view of the world and ourselves widens. From this perspective we discover forgiveness for ourselves and others. Forgiveness is an unfolding process rather than an act that is completed and set aside. Forgiveness comes slowly, as we continue to learn from the tragedies and traumas of the past in a continual effort to transcend them and return to a positive view of ourselves. With time, determination and effort we move forward, understanding the past rather than endlessly repeating it.

Perception

Our perceptions are limited by our experiences and our interpretations of our experiences. Most people who cannot forgive themselves have developed a critical self-voice that holds them to unrealistic expectations. If you have been criticized, ignored or shown little compassion in your life you likely learn to blame yourself excessively for mistakes and errors in judgment. In reality these temporary flaws simply point to your humanness.

On the other hand, people who have grown up with much empathy and understanding forgive themselves quite easily when they make mistakes of small magnitude, because that is the response they received from loving parents or other influential authorities.

Criticizing vs. Understanding

Every time we demean another person for their imperfections we re-visit the times the same behavior was done to us. By repeating this behavior we unfairly punish others for the lack of understanding we received, and in this process we cement our inability to free ourselves and treat others kindly.

In order to forgive yourself you have to turn inwardly and begin to understand how you came to be so hard on yourself. Instead of blaming yourself for human errors it is necessary to realize that no child is born with a critical self-voice. The environment you were exposed to created your demeaning voice, and now it is time to seek a more accurate view of yourself. Forgiveness arises through the hard work of empathy. Seeking to understand, opening our minds and our hearts to what was once hidden from view, we see a view of our self we could not see before, and in that widened perspective, we see others with the same empathy and open mindedness as we now see our self.

Transformation

The change from a critical self-voice to an understanding self-voice is a transformation of the highest proportions. Kindness toward others is much easier than kindness toward oneself. When your internal voice is reasonable and fair your heart opens up to the world, we move outward from self toward others. This new understanding allows us to feel closer to those we previously judged, a defense used in order to create protective distance. We no longer need to be harsh toward others to shield ourselves.

Forgiveness is the ultimate act of connectedness. In forgiving yourself you forgive others and are far less critical internally and externally. The world then becomes a kinder, warmer place.  Forgiveness now signifies freedom-releasing resentment, bitterness and pride-allowing us to live with ease within, and to love others with uncritical affection.

Arthur P. Ciaramicoli, Ed.D., Ph.D. is a Hopkinton resident

Reprinted with permission from Soundmindz.org 

Ashley Bishop and Matthew Cosmo Wed

BAY HARBOR, MI –Ashley Bishop and 2^nd Lt. Matthew Stephen Cosmo were united in marriage on Saturday, September 7, 2013, in a late afternoon ceremony at Bay Harbor Resort on the shore of Lake Michigan overlooking beautiful Little Traverse Bay.

The bride is the daughter of Winifred Duff Bishop of Clio, MI and Max Bishop of Batesville, Arkansas. The groom is the son of Larry and Mariann Cosmo of Hopkinton, MA.  The bride was given in marriage by her parents and escorted by her father.

Ms. Sarah Watkins, cousin of the bride and Alyssa Carpenter, best friend of the bride served as co-matrons of honor.  Bridesmaids included Christa Cosmo, sister of the groom, and friends of the bride Alicia Commet, Jessica Huddlestun, Julie Warren, and Karris Roth.

Thomas Cosmo, brother of the groom, and Conner Fitzpatrick of Hopkinton, served as co-best men.  Groomsmen included Michael Peirce of Hopkinton, 2^nd Lt. Colin Matson of Sutton, MA, 2^nd Lt. Brendan Donovan of Nahant, MA, 2^ndLt. Kyle Rasmussen of San Antonio, TX, and Cadet 2^nd Class Gregg Hutto of Colorado Springs, CO.   Ushers included Andrew Fabricant, Eric Docknevich and Sean Donahue, all of Hopkinton, and Brandon Anderson, Scott Estis and Kyle Estis, cousins of the bride.

The bride attended Grand Valley State University in Grand Rapids, MI for two years and is currently in her junior year at Midwestern State University in Wichita Falls, TX pursuing a degree in social services.

The groom graduated with honors from the U.S. Air Force Academy in Colorado Springs, CO and earned his commission as a 2^nd Lieutenant in May 2013.  He is currently stationed at Sheppard Air Force Base in Wichita Falls, TX for pilot training as part of the Euro-NATO Joint Jet Pilot Training (ENJJPT) program. 

The couple honeymooned in St. Lucia, and lives on base in Wichita Falls.

Ashland Police Officer Indicted for Destruction of Evidence and Obstruction of Justice

WOBURN– An Ashland Police Officer has been indicted by a Middlesex County Grand Jury in connection with the destruction of evidence and conduct that he engaged in subsequent to that, Middlesex District Attorney Marian Ryan informed the public today.

Edward Pomponio, 50, was indicted on charges of wanton destruction of evidence and obstruction of justice (two counts). [HopNews file photo]

An arraignment date has not yet been set.

“With these charges, we allege that this defendant, a police officer, discarded key drug evidence in a pending criminal case and then tried to intimidate another officer from reporting it,” District Attorney Ryan said.  “These are troubling allegations that reflect a violation of the public trust placed in all law enforcement officials.”

Pomponio, who served as the police department’s evidence officer in July 2011, is alleged to have thrown out critical evidence in an open and active criminal case involving drug charges.  Without this evidence, the case could not proceed and had to be dismissed. Following that, he is alleged to have tried to intimidate the officer who had the case from reporting the evidence tampering to officials who would investigate.

These charges are allegations and the defendant is presumed innocent until proven guilty.

The prosecutor assigned to this case is Assistant District Attorney Christopher Tarrant of the District Attorney’s Public Protection, Anti-Terrorism, Corruption and Technology (PACT) Unit.

     Police Arrest/Incident Log

Northampton Traffic Stop Leads to Heroin Trafficking Arrest

December 20, 2013 — Early this morning, Trooper Joseph Petty was on a traffic stop of Route 91 in Northampton when a vehicle passed by him.  Trooper Petty observed several violations.  Trooper Petty stopped the vehicle a short time later in the Town of Hatfield. Trooper Petty made contact with the operator who was not properly licensed to drive the car. Trooper Petty also spoke to the passengers.

During the stop, evidence of illegal narcotics led to a request for a State Police K9. Trooper David Stucenski and K9 Frankie located 1,250 individual bags of heroin in the vehicle. Four people were taken into custody and charged with the following:

Operator TYLER ROBENSTEIN, 23, of Colchester, Vermont: Trafficking in Heroin, conspiracy to violate the drugs laws, possession to distribute a Class A substance, speeding, unlicensed operation of a motor vehicle and failure to change lanes for an emergency vehicle.

Passenger MARQUESE JONES,22, of Newark New Jersey: Trafficking in Heroin, conspiracy to violate the drugs laws and possession to distribute a Class A substance.

Passenger ASHLEY BEAULIEU,21, of Colchester, Vermont: Trafficking in Heroin, conspiracy to violate the drugs laws, possession to distribute a Class A substance.

Passenger SHEROD GREEN,21, of Newark New Jersey: Trafficking in Heroin, conspiracy to violate the drugs laws, possession to distribute a Class A substance.

All four were held until their expected appearance in Northampton District Court.

Abbie Benford, 15

Abbie Benford, 15, of Hopkinton, passed away due to an anaphylactic reaction on Wednesday, December 18, 2013 at Boston Children‘s Hospital. 

Born in Alexandria, VA, she was the daughter of Amy (Brill) Benford and Stephen Benford of Hopkinton.

Besides her parents, Abbie leaves behind her brother, David Benford of Hopkinton; her Maternal Grandmother, Deanna Brill of Warwick, RI; her Aunt Lauri Cohen and husband Barry of Franklin, her Uncle Michael Brill of Warwick, RI; Paternal Grandmother Judith Benford of Wakefield, RI, and Paternal Grandfather, George Benford of Wakefield, RI, her Uncle Scott Benford of Narrangansett, RI, and her Aunt Stacie Ohsberg and husband Dale of Hampton Falls, NH.

Abbie was just shy of her 16th birthday which would have been on December 26th. She was a goalie on the Hopkinton High School Varsity Field Hockey Team. Abbie was never seen without a smile on her face. She was full of life, love and laughter.

Visitation will be held on Saturday, December 21st, from 2pm-7pm at the Chesmore Funeral Home of Hopkinton, 57 Hayden Rowe St. www.ChesmoreFuneralHome.com A 10:00a.m. service will be held on Sunday, December 22nd, at Temple Beth Shalom in Needham, 670 Highland Ave. In lieu of flowers the family requests donations in Abbie's memory to the Food Allergy and Education Research, 7925 Jones Branch Dr. Ste. 1100, McLean, VA. 22102.

Sharing the Holiday Spirit at Fay

Student fundraiser nets $1500 for local rehab facility in honor of Fay alumna

December 19, 2013 — A group of Fay students have continued a ten-year holiday tradition of raising money for good causes through a candy cane drive—and this year’s gift has a particularly meaningful and personal connection to the Fay community.

The Upper School students in Billy Claire’s and Deb Smith’s advisory group will be presenting a check for $1500 to Spaulding Rehabilitation in Cambridge, Massachusetts, a hospital specializing in rehabilitative medicine and inpatient and outpatient care.

The gift is in honor of Aubrey Baumbach ’09, a Fay graduate who was critically injured in a hit-and-run accident earlier this fall during her freshman year at Lafayette College. After initial treatment in Pennsylvania, Aubrey has been transferred to Spaulding-Cambridge, where she is continuing her recovery.

After learning of Aubrey’s story and the Fay students’ fundraising plan, the Concord real estate firm of Barrett Sotheby’s generously offered to purchase 1200 candy canes, making it possible for the students to dedicate nearly every penny of their proceeds to Spaulding.

When the students in Billy and Deb’s advisory group introduced the candy cane drive to the Fay community, the response was overwhelming. Students, faculty, and staff all eagerly purchased the candy cane greetings, which sold for $1 apiece. They knew that not only were they helping to make a difference in lives of the many people who come to Spaulding, but that their contributions were also a show of support for Aubrey and her family as she continues to heal.

UPTON PD Press Release on Chemical Spill

On Wednesday, December 18th at approximately 2:36PM Upton Public Safety Departments were notified by the Grafton & Upton Railroad, located at 25 Maple Avenue, of a chemical spill. Rail yard employees on scene reported a faulty valve on a transloading cart caused approximately 100 gallons of Styrene to be spilled. The transloading area of the rail yard is equipped with an impervious ground cover which contained the spill to an isolated area. Using the appropriate Hazmat guidelines, Fire Chief Goodale immediately isolated and evacuated an area surrounding the spill site to a distance of 150 feet. The evacuation area did not include any nearby homes or businesses. The Massachusetts Department of Fire Services Hazardous Materials Team and Department of Environmental Protection were dispatched to the scene to provide assistance.

The chemical Styrene is commonly used to produce Styrofoam and other plastic products. The chemical is highly flammable and has a fairly low flash point. Fortunately, the current cold weather conditions greatly reduced the dangers of ignition. The Massachusetts Department of Environmental Protection, Hazmat officials and Upton Public Safety Officials are monitoring the cleanup and removal of the spilled material by Clean Harbors. The site will continue to be monitored over the next several days. The Upton Fire Department received assistance at the scene from area departments including; Hopedale Fire, Grafton Fire and Hopkinton Fire.

Representatives from the Grafton & Upton Railroad remained on scene throughout the incident. Doug Pizzi, spokesperson for the GU Railroad released the following statement; “The Grafton and Upton Railroad has planned and trained for rare situations like this and railroad personnel followed procedures to the letter.” “The railroad also greatly appreciates the professionalism of everyone who responded to the spill” said Pizzi.

During the cleanup and mitigation process a mild odor of Styrene may be detected near the site

Chemical Spill in Upton at Grafton/Upton Railroad

From Upton PD Facebook, and scanner reports: Upton PD assisting FD at 25 Maple Avenue, Grafton/Upton Rail Yard, for a minor chemical spill. Hazmat regulations call for a 150' evacuation from the spill site. Currently no homes or businesses are within the evacuation zone.

Hopkinton Chief Ken Clark also on scene. File photo.

Below, part of the cordoned off scene at the Grafton-Upton RR at 7:00 pm

     Police Arrest/Incident Log